After Sundown: Illumination Read online

  “But Dr. Everett and I talked about this and he agreed that I could start working on the garden immediately,” she protested.

  “I don’t care what the Doc said. Rules are rules. And for the first week you are in isolation mode. That’s the hospital’s procedure,” he said stubbornly, folding his arms across his chest.

  Like Jason, the day attendant was a large man, tall, physically strong and built like a brick house. But she soon discovered that that was where the similarities ended. Unlike Jason, who seemed somewhat open and flexible, talking to Joey, her day attendant, was like talking to a wall. They talked in circles for several minutes while Rebecca tried to persuade him to get a hold of Dr. Everett and ask his permission for her to go into the garden. Joey argued that it was against hospital policy and he wouldn’t do it.

  “But if you can reach Dr. Everett he’ll contact the administration and organize the okay for me to go into the garden.”

  Joey shook his head. “No, I can’t do that. The doctor should only be contacted in case of emergency. He’s busy with other patients at the moment and should not be disturbed. You’re scheduled to see him later today for your one-on-one appointment. Talk to him then.”

  And that was that. Joey walked away without another word and she was left standing there feeling frustrated and powerless.

  Those were not feelings she handled well.

  When the time finally came for her to meet with Dr. Everett, she was furious. She had spent the afternoon trying to stay productive, sitting in the atrium, gazing at the garden, making notes to herself and more sketches of the garden. The only positive part of that experience was the fact that she’d slowly remembered more flower and plant types, especially those grown in the desert.

  But it wasn’t enough.

  She needed to be out in the garden, seeing the different angles possible, studying the shade-to-sun ratio and measuring exactly how much room she had to work with. Her frustration grew and grew until she ended up pacing the small confines of the atrium.

  Dr. Everett must have sensed something because the minute he saw her he commented, “What is it, Rebecca? What happened?”

  Without preamble Rebecca spilled the whole story. How she had tried to go out to the garden, Joey’s stubborn refusal and her own frustration. The doctor listened patiently, waiting until she was finished to speak.

  “It sounds like it’s been a frustrating day, Rebecca.”

  She blew out an impatient breath. “That’s putting it mildly.”

  “Well, don’t worry about it, or Joey,” he reassured her. “He’s just doing his job in the way he thinks best. Normally a person would be in isolation mode the first week but your case is different. I’ll talk with administration later today and make sure you can start working outside in the garden tomorrow. I’ll also look into getting you some gardening books, if you’d like.”

  Rebecca beamed. She couldn’t help it. Just the thought of being outside, her hands in the earth creating this garden, meant so much to her. She wasn’t sure why. It just did.

  “Thank you, Dr. Everett.”

  “You’re welcome. I know you had a difficult time today but did you discover any memories resurfacing in the process?”

  “As a matter of fact I did,” Rebecca admitted.

  She told Dr. Everett about learning of her innate love of creating and helping other people. They spent the next half hour discussing why that might be so important to her. Rebecca couldn’t put her finger on it but she felt instinctually that it was something ingrained in her from the time she was young.

  “It just seems natural. That’s all I can say. As if it’s something I’ve been doing all my life.”

  “I’m glad you discovered this about yourself, Rebecca,” he said. “Now how about those disturbing dreams you started telling me about this morning?”

  Dr. Everett listened carefully as she told him what her nightmare entailed. When she was finished he nodded his head.

  “The kind of dreams you’re having make sense in terms of the trauma you recently suffered, Rebecca. It’s actually a good thing, in a way, because what’s happening by you having these nightmares is that your mind is trying to come to terms with the event that caused your amnesia in the first place.”

  “Are you saying my dreams are true?” she asked, panic seizing her for a moment as she thought about the evil person she had dreamt about.

  “No,” Dr. Everett said, giving her hand a reassuring pat. “What I’m saying is that your mind is trying to come to terms with the trauma you suffered in a way it can deal with. This is good, because the sooner your mind accepts and processes what happened in a manageable way the faster your memory will return. Do you understand?”

  Rebecca nodded. “That makes sense, I guess.”

  “I know it can be difficult, but every discovery brings you that much closer to regaining your memory,” Dr. Everett reassured her.

  Rebecca smiled. He was right. The sooner her mind accepted whatever had happened, the sooner she would get her life back and leave the hospital.

  The doctor stood up.

  “I think things are going well, Rebecca. Just keep yourself open, as you have been, to those returning memories. I need to head off and see some other patients. How about if we meet again this time tomorrow? Will that give you long enough to work in the garden?”

  “Definitely. And thanks, Dr. Everett. Working in the garden means a lot to me.”

  “I know. I have a feeling it will be good for the recovery of your memory as well. I’ll be checking in on the garden’s progress as you go. Maybe even take some before and after pictures. How does that sound?”

  “Works for me. You’re going to be amazed by the transformation.”

  “I’m sure I will. Have a good rest of your day and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you then,” Rebecca said with a wave, heading back to her room.

  Now that she knew for sure that she’d be working outside tomorrow, she wanted to create an itinerary of exactly what she’d like to accomplish. Was she always this anal about projects? She smiled to herself. Yes. She felt it without a doubt. She always was very thorough in all that she did. She vaguely remembered having a completely programmed PDA with hour-by-hour appointments, a contact sheet with every address, e-mail, fax number and phone number she needed, a notepad she often used for list making and internet access with music and information download abilities. She remembered that little piece of electronics had at one time been her lifeline, and before waking up in this hospital she’d thought she’d never be able to live without it.

  There it was.

  One more memory regained.

  Day by day, step by step.

  Rebecca felt good about her progress.

  That good feeling lasted all of two minutes. As she gathered her garden sketches and notes to head back to the atrium, a knock sounded on her door.

  “Yes?”

  “Time for group session, Rebecca.”

  She opened the door to find Joey standing in the hallway.

  “Group session?”

  “Yes. Dr. Everett has made that part of your schedule. From five-fifteen to six-fifteen each day you have group session.”

  “I can’t do group session. I have other things plan—”

  “Doctor’s orders, Rebecca. You’ll have free time after dinner tonight. You can do whatever you planned then.”

  Rebecca wanted to argue but she could tell by the way Joey folded his arms across his chest and gave her a blank stare that he would not be moved by her arguments.

  “Fine. I’m coming,” she said in a resigned voice, setting her things down and following him out to the unit’s group room.

  Group session was a nightmare for her. She felt like she was in the midst of a reality TV show. The kind where the roommates all live together, seemingly happy. But secretly they have nothing nice to say about each other and share that with TV viewers.

  Everyone sat in a circle and passed a beach
ball around. The person holding the beach ball had to talk about what the hardest part of their day was then go on to tell what the best part of their day was. Most of the patients had no problem discussing their difficulties and often accused other patients of misdeeds. But when it came to talking about what they enjoyed most about their day they were a little more hesitant.

  When the ball eventually landed in her hands, Rebecca just wanted to get done with it as soon as possible.

  “The worst part of my day was that I couldn’t work outside in the garden, and the best part was that I could make sketches and plans for the garden while sitting in the atrium.”

  No one commented on her disclosure, not even the doctor moderating the circle. Her only comment to Rebecca was, “Thank you for sharing.”

  The remainder of group session finished up quickly. Rebecca left and immediately headed for the dining room. Her stomach was growling. She realized that she had never eaten lunch that day.

  Dinner was a choice of roast chicken or spaghetti. Rebecca chose comfort food. Spaghetti. A big bowl of pasta with meat sauce and some salad sounded good. She found a table and wolfed down her food with a glass of iced tea. Her stomach full, she went back to her room to get her garden sketches and notes before returning to the atrium.

  By the time she got there the sun had gone down. Disappointment and frustration filled her as she realized she wouldn’t have much light to work with, Nevertheless, she still could have gotten some planning done if there hadn’t been one other distraction keeping her from concentrating on the garden.

  Jason.

  Casual as could be, he sat on the couch in the atrium by the little nook overlooking the garden. The room, small as it was, was dwarfed by him. Rebecca had forgotten how big he was. Like Joey but more so. It was as if his physical size was enhanced by his personality. Or maybe it was just the way he carried himself, the way he moved. As if he were this large wild beast, sprawled on the chair like a king on his throne.

  As if he owned the place.

  “Comfy?” she asked, unable to hide the sting in her voice.

  He didn’t seem to notice. “Yeah, very comfortable. Thanks. How’s it going?”

  Rebecca didn’t know why she was so irritated by his presence. Maybe it was the fact that she was frustrated about not being able to work in the garden today. Whatever it was, she couldn’t seem stop the rude reply that popped out of her mouth a moment later.

  “It was going fine. Until I found you sitting in my spot,” she snapped.

  Jason didn’t seem to notice that she was upset. “Your spot? I didn’t know this place belonged to anyone in particular, M’Tali. I don’t see your name anywhere,” he said with amusement dancing in his eyes.

  Rebecca tried hard to keep from grinning. He was just too cute. And when he got that mischievous look in his eyes he was difficult to resist. Suddenly her irritation just faded away. And when his grin widened and he waggled his eyebrows up and down Groucho Marx style she couldn’t hold back her own smile. Walking over to where he was, she sat down on the couch beside him.

  “I apologize for being so rude. It’s been a frustrating day but I shouldn’t take it out on you. You’re more than welcome to share this space with me,” she offered.

  “Thank you. And just to let you know,” he said with a wink that sent her pulse racing, “I decided to sit here because I knew you’d soon join me.”

  “You did?” she asked, smiling wider as the warmth of his words filled her.

  He nodded his head. “Yeah. I wanted to know how you’re doing. You really had a tough time for a while there last night.”

  “It was most definitely a moment. I really appreciate all you did for me. It helped a lot.”

  “Did it?” he asked, the twinkle back in his eye. “Which part exactly? My kiss or just my presence?”

  Rebecca rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Actually, it was the conversation. You really helped bring me back down to earth so I could get my footing. I was out of control for a little while and it was a very scary experience. Thank you.”

  Rebecca leaned over and gave Jason a quick peck on the cheek.

  As she pulled away she saw Jason’s gaze switch from lighthearted to intense in the blink of an eye. He studied her as if searching for something in her face. His gaze fell to her mouth and his nostrils flared and jaw clenched. When his eyes met hers once more they burned with a silver light that left her feeling like she needed to fan herself. Her lips tingled with awareness and her whole body tightened.

  “You’re welcome, M’Tali.”

  The words he spoke were low and husky. Thoughts of silk sheets and a candlelit bedroom sprang to mind. And the way he said that last word, the one she didn’t know, left her feeling like she had been gently caressed.

  She couldn’t tear her gaze from his. She felt powerfully drawn to him. She wanted to close the distance between them. She wanted to sit on his lap and kiss his sensual lips. She wanted—

  Jason broke the connection, turning to stare out the window into the night.

  He cleared his throat.

  She tried to get her body under control.

  “You have a lot of work to do out there. Do you feel up to the challenge?” he asked, keeping his gaze on the garden outside.

  His words caught her attention, distracting her somewhat from her skyrocketing libido. “Definitely.”

  His gaze swung back to hers.

  “You’re so sure.”

  She nodded her head. “Yep. When I take on a project like this, one from my heart and filled with my passion, I don’t stop until it’s exactly as I envision it. This garden will be transformed into a place of beauty and tranquility. I’ll finish whatever the initial gardener began.”

  “So you’re an eternal gardener, huh?”

  Rebecca frowned, searching her mind. “What’s an eternal gardener?”

  “An eternal gardener is someone who goes through life creating beauty and tranquility for those around her or him. They spend their lives building these figurative and literal gardens that help people become happier by getting them to appreciate all they have in this life. Just as real live gardens bring beauty and peace to people’s souls, so does the eternal gardener show people their own garden of life, which they can choose to walk through with appreciation and happiness or stumble through in oblivion and unhappiness.”

  Rebecca was touched by Jason’s intelligent, insightful and soulful words.

  “That was amazing,” she told him. “I’ve never had anyone describe gardening that way, or my love of creating gardens like that. Yet what you say is true. Despite the fact that I don’t have my full memory back I can feel it in my heart. I am an eternal gardener. How did you know this?”

  Jason shrugged. “You scream it in all that you do and say. It’s not hard to see if a person knows what to look for.”

  “Thank you, Jason.”

  “For what?”

  “For helping me realize more about myself,” she said with a small smile. “Having little or no memory is frustrating and scary, but not just because I don’t remember my family, friends or life I had before. Also, and sometimes more importantly, it’s because I don’t remember who I am, what I love, what I hate, who I strive to be in this life. You just helped me understand that my heart’s memory can’t be erased. Who I am is who I am, with or without my memory. That will come out naturally, as it’s been doing slowly but surely since I woke up.”

  Jason nodded. “It’s like I told you last night. Who you are is here, Rebecca,” he said, gently placing his palm over her heart. “Not here,” he said, placing the index finger of his other hand against the side of her head, over one temple.

  Rebecca looked down to where his hand covered her heart. His fingers were splayed just above her breast and she couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like to have him cover her nipple with his warm palm. Her gaze slowly rose and she gasped at the intensity in his stare.

  She couldn’t look away. His silver ey
es glowed with heat and appeared almost liquid as the metallic color swirled and shifted within his irises. She wanted to lose herself in those silver pools, drown in their intense beauty and warmth.

  “You have beautiful eyes,” she blurted out softly.

  Did she just say that aloud? By the amusement now lighting his gaze she was pretty sure she just had. What was wrong with her? How could she have said that?

  “Thank you,” he said, running his finger lightly down her cheek to the edge of her lips before removing it. His voice was so low and seductive it sent chills running up and down Rebecca’s spine. “Yours are also quite breathtaking. I want to get lost in their expressive sky-blue depths. Your eyes tell me all you feel, did you know that? Even without words your eyes communicate your feelings to me, M’Tali.”

  His stare grew serious again. She felt like he was trying to find something in her eyes, something important to him, but she didn’t know what. What could he hope to find there?

  Chapter Six

  Jason searched her clear blue gaze. Rebecca’s eyes really were windows to her soul.

  It was all there for him to see.

  She wanted him. Just as he wanted her.

  He wanted to kiss her soft, full lips, brush his mouth over the sweet curve of her long eyelashes. He wanted to slide his fingers lower, cover her breasts with his hand. Feel her soft roundness in his grasp. He wanted to pull her closer, press her against him so she could feel how much he wanted her.

  And he wanted to speak the traditional mating words to her again. M’Tali. Ti sa movra. But it could never be. He wanted too much.

  His body didn’t agree.

  He slid his hand up to her collarbone, lightly running his fingers along its length. Rebecca drew in a sharp breath then closed her eyes and tilted her head back. She wanted his touch, enjoyed it. Sensing this about her, his body hardened to the point of pain.

  She looked so appealing, so sensual and sexy enjoying his touch. Jason wanted to bring her more pleasure. He wanted to run his hands all over her body and hear her little coos turn into moans of pleasure. Instead he slid his hand higher and gently grasped Rebecca’s chin, tilting her face up.